To all the married/cohabitating folks...

Discussion in 'Spam' started by LavaRed, Feb 6, 2013.

  1. LavaRed

    LavaRed Community Manager Srcds Server Operator Forum Operator Minecraft Operator Global Moderator Staff Member Minecraft Admin

    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A WOMAN:

    Take off clothing and place it in sectioned laundry hamper according to lights and darks. Walk to bathroom wearing long robe. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas. Look at your womanly physique in the mirror -- make mental note to do more sit-ups/leg-lifts, etc. Get in the shower. Use wash cloth, long loofah, wide loofah and pumice stone. Wash your hair once with cucumber and sage shampoo with 43 added vitamins. Wash your hair again to make sure it's clean. Condition your hair with grapefruit mint conditioner. Wash your face with crushed apricot facial scrub for 10 minutes until red. Wash entire rest of body with ginger nut and jaffa cake body wash. Rinse conditioner off hair. Shave armpits and legs. Rinse off. Turn off shower. Squeegee off all wet surfaces in shower. Spray mold spots with Tilex. Get out of shower. Dry with towel the size of a small country. Wrap hair in super absorbent towel. Return to bedroom wearing long robe and towel on head. If you see husband along the way, cover up any exposed areas.

    HOW TO SHOWER LIKE A MAN:

    Take off clothes while sitting on the edge of the bed and leave them in a pile. Walk naked to the bathroom. If you see wife along the way, shake wiener at her making the woo-woo sound. Look at your manly physique in the mirror. Admire the size of your wiener and scratch your butt. Get in the shower. Wash your face. Wash your armpits. Blow your nose in your hands and let the water rinse them off. Fart and laugh at how loud it sounds in the shower. Spend majority of time washing privates and surrounding area. Wash your butt, leaving those coarse butt hairs stuck on the soap. Wash your hair. Make a Shampoo Mohawk. Pee. Rinse off and get out of shower. Partially dry off. Fail to notice the water on floor because curtain was hanging out of tub the whole time. Admire wiener size in mirror again. Leave shower curtain open, wet mat on floor, and light and fan on. Return to bedroom with towel around waist. If you pass wife, pull off towel, shake wiener at her and make the woo-woo sound again. Throw wet towel on bed.

    If there is anyone who did not laugh at the truth behind this, there is something SO very wrong with you.
     
    • Funny Funny x 3
  2. CorruptDictator

    CorruptDictator I want a custom title, but I dont trust VintagePC

    I do leave my clothes in a pile at the edge of the bed.

    I do walk naked to the bathroom.

    I do not shake my wiener, but I might grope her tits.

    I do not look in the mirror.

    I shower in about 5 minutes, since i shave my head I only have to shampoo my beard.

    If I fart in the shower, it is only because I happen to need to do so.

    I use body wash, not a bar of soap.

    Pissing in the shower is disgusting.

    I am obsessed with never leaving any water on the floor and dry myself very thoroughly.

    No mirror, I turn the light off, but may leave the fan on.

    Wet towel goes on a towel rack.

    If I pass the woman again I may dry hump her for humor.
     
  3. Reechard

    Reechard Server Admin Srcds Server Operator Minecraft Operator Source Server Admin Staff Member Minecraft Admin

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    Get some pee on your feet, then immediately wash them with gallons of water... is disgusting?

    The first world really really really has produced some ridiculous mindsets.
     
    • Funny Funny x 2
  4. CorruptDictator

    CorruptDictator I want a custom title, but I dont trust VintagePC

    I have some slight cleanliness ocd.
     
  5. Iceh

    Iceh Official VF4 Matchmaker

    What about a respectable man who showers?
     
  6. areben

    areben Achievement Hunter VF4 Supporter

    Jaffa cake body wash sounds amazing. I can't even.
    Also, LOL.
     
  7. LavaRed

    LavaRed Community Manager Srcds Server Operator Forum Operator Minecraft Operator Global Moderator Staff Member Minecraft Admin

    Unfortunately around here I am more than slightly outnumbered by the amount of beings containing testosterone :p
     
  8. VintagePC

    VintagePC GodModePC (Lead Developer) Srcds Server Operator Forum Operator Minecraft Operator Global Moderator Staff Member

    WOO-WOO

    *runs*
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  9. gjknutsen

    gjknutsen Well-Known Member



    TIL: Lava dries herself with Liechtenstein
     
    • Funny Funny x 1
  10. lonesome killer

    lonesome killer Banhammered

    It's the truth.

    Also, when my sister was in high school she would come home from school, take a shower b/c she stank, then go work out and take another shower. Like seriously, you're going to work out and be stinky again. Why not wait 30 minutes to take a shower?
     
  11. VintagePC

    VintagePC GodModePC (Lead Developer) Srcds Server Operator Forum Operator Minecraft Operator Global Moderator Staff Member

    Brilliant logic. Too many showers can actually be bad for you, especially if you have dry/sensitive skin.... that's just overkill, and a waste of water.
     
  12. lonesome killer

    lonesome killer Banhammered

    I know. Showers wash away good germs that protect your body from bad germs.
     

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