Working on a book

Geoff

Sir "Let's Play"
Haven't touched it in about a month, but I did work on it for a little bit. Anyway, I wanted to post a small bit here, so what people thought. I have one person I've been sending it to each time I finish a chapter and she enjoys it so far. So, if you're a big time reader let me know if this small bit sounds decent at all.



10 minutes till 3. New York is always busy, but this day was a bit special. The man, dressed in his regular suit for work, was waiting for a ride. 9 minutes. He kept checking his watch, hoping it wouldn't arrive late. Another late arrival would easily result in being fired. 7 minutes. Glaring around the busy street, the man noticed nothing out of the ordinary (not that he was expecting anything different). Another quick glance at his watch, the car was almost late. 4 minutes. He did get the feeling that he was being watched, but another glance around showed no one paying him any attention. 1 minute. The man started pacing....then stopped as he saw the ride just pull around the corner. Few more seconds passed as the car slowed as much as it could for him to get in. Standing there, smiling at the arrival, just about to move...

A bullet pierced the man's skull, dead center. A smile still on his face as he fell over, a sniper shot ringing through the air as people scattered. Dressed in a black suit, watching the man hit the ground, a grin hits the face of the onlooker.

"For a second, I wasn't sure it would happen." The stranger thinks to himself. He vanishes from sight, not a soul even knew he was there.
 
Have you got a title? That's usually a hard part.
I tried writing a book got tons of content but no title.
 
Nice, Sounds real interesting, I'd definitely read it if the whole book is just like the sample above.


Sort of off topic here and I don't want to steal your thread but would you mind if I put a sample of mine? It's a sci-fi story and I started it once but scrapped that initial start up and wanted to start it over.
 
Ok then well here's part of the first chapter was actually thinking about making it after the prologue tell me what ya think.

[Location: GDA Assault Craft Tiger Claw in orbit around Slithar Outer Colony World Sever}

"All hands to yellow alert stations, we have a Slithar Warlord Ship approaching," said a voice on the ships communications systems.

Many of the crew were rushing to their stations as High General Alex Etern walked toward the bridge from the mess hall. He was casually inspecting everything as he went by seeing if anything was too far out of place. The general was among the most known beings in the galaxy feared and respected by beings from many different alien races. As he walked on the bridge many people tensed up thinking that their commander would be in a bad mood considering his dinner had been interrupted for the third night in a row.

"Sir we're being hailed," said the comms officer.

"Activate the holographic station," replied Alex

A snakelike figure appeared at the hologram station, "You are in Warlord Torne's colony space, the Warlord demands you state your intentions immediately!"

"This is High General Alex Etern of the Galaxy Defense Army, we are investigating suspicious activity coming from the planet below, power down your weapons and stand aside."

The Slithar warlord appeared on the station, "Alex Etern?! You would take great care to ignore what ever reports you heard regarding this.... suspicious activity."

"Sir they're charging weapons!" exclaimed an officer.

"Warlord, I'd advise you not to start this fight," said Alex

"Too late!" shouted the hologram as it faded.

The ship shook from the impacts to the shields, "Target their weapon systems and fire at will." said Alex calmly

A few seconds later the tactical officer replied that the Slithar ship's weapons had been disabled.

"Assess damages and return to normal operations," ordered Alex

"Brace for Impact!" yelled the helms officer.

The ship shook violently as the Slithar ship collided with the assault craft, "Damage report!" ordered Alex.

'We've lost our port stabilizer, and caught in the planets gravity field, we're going down!"

The Slithar ship separated itself from the Assault Craft and watched as it fell toward the planet........




I got more happening after this point but this was just a small introduction.
I'm pretty sure this is also the largest conversation in the whole book.
 
If this is the largest conversation, then your book is in point of view form?
What device will you use to make people care about the fate of the characters in your story, you will need to make them emotionally invested to read on.
 
I'm still trying to rewrite most of this as I go but there are several main characters, Alex is just the first of this group that you meet, some of the later ones are quite a bit interesting, I'm also still trying to figure out how the story is being told, whether or not the focus will be on a single character/group or maybe showing different points of story though different characters. I'm basically rewriting a story that I had written a long time ago, but decided that it was not nearly good enough to show to others so I have a lot of bugs to work out.
 

Funding Progress To Date

VaultF4 on Steam


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